Are You Having Trouble Trusting And Being Both Feet In Your Relationship?... Trusting Is Possible...
I have been on this self discovery journey of how to be both feet in a relationship, as it has seemed that I would always bump up against that I can not fully trust someone.
How can I really know if I can trust this person with my heart?
How can I really know if when things get tough in life or when our relationship hits a bump that he won’t walk away and abandon ship, leave me?
How do I really know if he is and will be faithful as in not cheating?
Have you ever asked these questions?
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Are You Having Trouble Trusting And Being Both Feet In Your Relationship?... Trusting Is Possible...
I have been on this self discovery journey of how to be both feet in a relationship, as it has seemed that I would always bump up against that I can not fully trust someone.
These questions would swirl around in my head? Thinking one day I will have an answer and will be able to relax, trust fully and have the relationship and love I’ve always desired.
How can I really know if I can trust this person with my heart?
How can I really know if when things get tough in life or when our relationship hits a bump that he won’t walk away and abandon ship, leave me?
How do I really know if he is and will be faithful as in not cheating?
Have you ever asked these questions?
The problem here are not the questions, actually they are great questions to ask in the beginning stage of a relationship. In order to guard our hearts, observing someone’s character is very important.
So, really this would mean slow it down and allow things to unfold, allow the real person to be revealed to you.
A committed, healthy, long lasting relationship can not be rushed.
It takes time to build anything good and solid.
Let me get back to those questions though. When I would ask these questions I would realize that all the assurance in the world would never be enough for me.
What would happen is when I would get the assurance I would feel assured and confident for that moment or day then I wouldn’t again.
I would become very anxious with constant doubt about the guy and the relationship.
I would then feel so overwhelmed and riddled with anxiety and because I didn't want to feel that way any longer, as well as I couldn’t get the clarity I needed, if this person is trustworthy or not. - I would then just go ahead and sabotage the relationship in some way.
What I realized is that NO one can assure us 100 percent that they will not hurt us in a deep way, fall out of love, cheat on us, etc.
I had to radically accept this myself. I could not see the future and I could not know what someone else would or would not do with 100 percent guarantee.
I understand hearing this can anger you or scare you, this truth of reality.
Please stay with me here. I have a very important point to make in regards to this.
We can know that we deeply love this person and want our lives with them, and feel that they too feel the same way.
Yet, even love, and marriage is a leap of faith.
Everything is a leap of faith.
Being an analyzer and being able to calculate everything is great and yet, humans make mistakes. We just do. It’s human.
We could even make a mistake that we thought we would never ever do.
Realizing this freed me from holding myself and someone to this unrealistic expectation to be perfect in every way and promise to never ever make a mistake.
This just isn’t realistic.
I am not saying that it’s okay for someone to lie and cheat or abandon ship when things get rough. And yet, that is that choice and everyone like ourselves have the right to do what we think feels right or not even if it doesn’t seem right.
The point is we can not control someone else's thoughts or behaviour, everyone on earth has their own journey.
Even by trying to be so perfect, and hopefully you had some time to see this person's real character to notice how much they love, and adore you. And how they handle things and would fight for the relationship.
In my mind though, I felt I had to be guaranteed in some way in order to relax and trust that person. In order for me to be both feet in.
I would have expectations for them to meet so that I would feel assured and so that I could relax, breathe, trust that they do love me.
I would get so focused on it that I would eventually lose myself.
This behaviour would push him away and would only make me even more anxious and distrustful. This would then make me want to break up with them and not care anymore.
I would always be making a case for them or against them in my head, putting their actions in categories, if I could trust them for the long hall or not.
Because of this I would be one foot in, and one foot out just in case.
Needless to say that this behavior and way of thinking kept me from love and the kind of relationship I had always wanted. I only knew what I knew. The simple truth is I was trying to protect myself from getting hurt or abandoned.
I was doing only what I knew to do to stay safe until I learned a new way and until I was able to look at my fears more closely and deal with them.
What I learned is that instead of being 100 percent guaranteed that they would not cheat or hurt me in any way, I learned to have a guarantee and believe within myself that no matter what happens I would get through it, and I would be 100 percent okay.
I even had to let go of the guarantee that “we would get through it”.
This doesn’t mean I wouldn’t pray about that or believe in him or us, and or our ability to get through things.
Because I believe without a doubt with all my heart that a couple can overcome and resolve anything! YES! EVERYTHING!
Together where love and commitment lies anything is possible.
It meant that no one can give me such guarantees, I can’t even give that guarantee to myself.
I do NOT have control over if my partner would “want” or is able to do the work if and when hard times arise. Just like I have zero control over when he will die or I will die for that matter.
I would hope he would want to resolve things if it came to that, and yet we simply do not know the future.
People make mistakes.
We have to be prepared and realize that our partner is imperfect and so are we.
We can not be blind by this.
We can not be perfect no matter how hard we try!
I’ve learned to focus on now that my trust lies more on that all things will be worked out for the good from hardships and hardships gives great opportunities for deeper closeness and healing rather than trust in a person solely.
My perspective has radically shifted.
I used to think of trust as something I would stand on that came from the other person in which they provided for me.
But then the dilemma was how can I trust someone if they will mess up or hurt me. How can I trust myself when I do the same?
How can I be in a relationship without trust? Well, I couldn’t so I didn’t stay.
I wrestled with this most of my life. I came to realize they couldn't give me 100 percent guarantee, no one can.
Knowing this, now what? How then can I be in a committed relationship with no trust? Because as I mentioned for me trust meant I needed guarantee that they wouldn’t hurt me?
How can I relax and not feel so anxious all the time?
By having guarantee that my trust is in that no matter what happens in my relationship, I will have the strength, and the ability to be okay. And that I will get through it!
This is where the guarantee I was searching for and needed lies!
I am guaranteed that I will get through it no matter what lies ahead in my life and my relationship.
I also know that getting through something doesn’t mean it won’t hurt, or it won’t be hard.
It means I will survive through it, and I will be okay, and I will also be blessed, comforted, and supported through it. And I trust that good awaits me on the other side of it.
This is what I hold on to now!
This is my guarantee so that I can trust.
The flesh peeled right off me as I went through this process of how to trust in a relationship, so that I can be both feet in and not sabotage.
I will say though this process was down right ugly, messy, painful, I’m so grateful I stuck with the process.
Now I have the possibility of the love and relationship I have always desired in My life. And with anything I desire.
By taking the leap of faith in love and knowing no matter what happens I will be okay.
This is freedom to me, I now can be free and light to enjoy life and my relationship fully.
I know that hard times will come as they are part of li
